And I think I don't update anymore, because I could care less about it. I have stuff to do, I'm busy and don't talk to anybody who reads this anymore anyway. But then again, its my own fault I don't talk to them. And on that same hand, it's always like this during the school year anyway. Everybody is sooooo busy, they can't spend their time trying to keep in contact and update everything. And I feel that if I start writing in this diary again, maybe I'll get rid of some pent up feelings I've have for the last little while. Of course, now that I'm writing in here, I really don't know what to say.

I'm only getting like one shift a week at the new Disney store. This sucks because I have to pay off my video camera by May, and granted I only have another $300 to save up, I do have bills and two animals to take care of. Pippin's sweaters cost a lot ;) I'm only kidding. I've only bought him one sweater in the last few months, and it was only $5.00. Part of me is really okay with only having one shift a week, because it means I have more ME time, and I can focus on my homework instead of stressing about it. I am doing better in my classes and everything. But on the other hand, I really really really do need th emoney. I've started cleaning my aunts house for $40/week. And it helps a little bit. I'm also tutoring my cousin in English, so that does help. BUt it still sucks. Actually I suck.

I am never going to married am i? OR have a boyfriend. (That should really be in reverse order, shouldn't it?? ) I just don't feel comfortable in relationships. I've been starting a relationship with this guy, and I frankly feel nothing for him, but I don't know if thats just me being 'me'. Because I have a tendency to back off from anything resemebling romance, even though I want it so badly. I wonder if I was murdered by my lover in a past life. That would be horribly romantic. (Please remember that this is the same girl who thinks the whole premise of Phantom of the Opera is romantic. Plus...and everybody repeat this with me:" BECKY LOVE GERARD BUTLER".

Okay. I'm bored now and have a mountain of homework staring at my face.

Nikolaos

p.s. I am still feeling like a mystical ball of energy.