It all started at the end of January. I and Hey_Jude went to a frat party ( I know!! Little Miss Innocent at a frat party! Who would have thought?) and I was introduced to a guy, and for most of the party we chatted and all. He bought me some drinks, and then we got into a drinking contest. Only it didn’t end up being a contest. He bought 30 Jell-O shooters, and I inhaled 21 of them. I won. But I was wasted for the remainder of the party. He hit on me, nothing happened, thankfully, but I gave him my number, honestly never expecting to hear from him again.

The next day he called.

It was awkward to say the least. He was trying to make small talk and I was going “Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit.” So I went along with it, talked to him for about fifteen minutes before I made up some lame excuse about having to go out, or something. He said he’d call me later. I said “okay” but really, the voice the dwells in my head said “Really?? That’s unfortunate”.

The next night…same time….he calls. Again we did the awkward talk thing. By this point I’ve already established that I feel nothing for the guy. And it may have been unfair because it was based on about 20minutes of phone conversation, and about no memory of the night of the frat party. Right, so anyway. I get past that conversation and come up with a brilliant idea to stop the phone calls.

“Do you have MSN?” I asked him.

“Sure do…it’s (insert MSN name here)”

And I thought that was the end of that.

Alas, it was not to be so!! I got on-line the next day after a long, boring day at school. The moment I logged on, there was a message waiting for me.

“Hello Beautiful” it read.

“Fuck.” Was the words that flew from my mouth.

“Hey….” I typed. I really should have stopped it there. I really should have! Blocked him from my list, something…anything. But I’m an attention slut. I like people to tell me that I’m pretty, nice, cute, smart, SKINNY, anything positive. (I never actually believe it though) The conversation continued from there. Granted, it was easier to talk over the computer than it was to talk on the telephone.

And so it continued for a few weeks.

“hey”
“hey”
“How are you?”
“Good….”

Until….
“Hey. Wanna go see a movie with me on Friday night?”

“OH FUCK!!!” I screamed. Inside my head though, fuck is such a vulgar word. I don’t want it to grace my lips (Who the fuck am I kidding? Fuck is used at least twice in all of my sentences! Fuck is a new accessory!)
“A DATE? You have to be fucking kidding me? A date???”

“S-U-R-E” were the four horrible little letters that I typed for my reply, smacking my head on the keyboard as I did it. Alright…I didn’t smack my head against the keyboard. Otherwise it would have looked like “Suxdm,.dffsdfasdfldfdasdsdf”. But I did want to smack my head against the keyboard. Does that count?

Thursday night rolled along, and I logged on to MSN and lo-and-behold, there was the guy
“Hey Beautiful”
“Hey”
“Looking forward to Friday night?”
“uhhhhhhhh….” Was the thought running 100 miles an hour through my head. “About that.” I proceded to type in one of the most lame excuses I have ever come up with.
“I have to drive to Sundre tomorrow to pick up my sister. She broke her arm and wants to come home.” This is bullshit for two reasons:
1) I don’t drive
2) My sister didn’t break her arm.
3) Even if she had, she wouldn’t come home for it.

“Oh…some other time then?”

And instead of being SMART!!! I typed in “For sure”

Well boys and girls, the weeks continued as they had for the last few weeks. We messaged each other. I think I was trying to convince myself that I’d like him if I kept on talking to him. Aside from trying to hard, he really wasn’t so bad. Although he reminds me of my cousin, and he tried too hard, and he really wasn’t my type (but do I really have a type? That would require dating, and you can see from the story here, that I don’t date. Fuck…I haven’t even kissed anybody. Can anybody spell lame?? I can!! N-I-K-O-L-A-O-S. )

Guess what he asked me again?

This time the excuse was that I had to tutor. And in reality, I was tutoring. Just not as often as I said I was. That was my backdrop for a while “Oh..I’m at my cousin’s house tutuoring.” Blah blah blah. He bought it. So it worked.

Weeks go by…..again I’m asked out.

I was getting good at excuses by this time. And I sounded so sincere when I told him my lies. I should have told him the truth.

“Look..you’re a nice guy and all, but I totally don’t feel for you in that way.” But nooo..I’m a stupid stupid stupid girl (cute though) who keeps leading the poor guy on!

Saturday last, I was working, and who walks through the door????? Words worse than “FUCK” are running through my head at this point. Its so easy to make excuses over the telephone or MSN. But in person?? I go red, and nervous and it’s just 100% obvious that I’m lying through my teeth. So I think that I may actually have to follow through with something.

“want to go to a movie after work?” comes the question I KNEW was going to come?

“Yeah sure. I want to go home and change first! Call me around 4:30”….I reply, smile on my face, Pooh Bear in my arms. I should have been an actress.

A huge smile spreads across his face as he buys a toy for his little sister. My heart was breaking because I knew at this point, after having not seen him in almost two months, that there was NO attraction what-so-ever. The girls at work were like “ohhhh are you dating him?” and I was like “Depends on who you’re asking”. And left it at that. I felt so horrible.

I got home after work, and I am informed that it is actually my aunt’s birthday and we’re heading over there to go do dinner, so I had better change and do my make up and stuff. So about five seconds later, the phone rings and I look at it and my heart sinks to the ground. Good thing I’m short, or it would have had a long journey.

“Hey Corwin” I answer. “You’re not going to believe this, but I have to bail again! It’s my aunts birthday dinner..blah blah blah”

“That’s okay..” He mumbles. I feel the crown of BITCH being placed on my head.

“Maybe tomorrow or Monday?”

“Yeah..sure”

So I broke his heart, I was hoping he was beginning to loose hope, or attraction, or his brain. I bitched to meet a nice guy who liked me. I got it….so why the pathetic-ness?

So that night, over MSN, we start throwing ideas around for when and where to go for a movie. Times aren’t working out (due partly to my imaginary schedule) and then we found a time that may have worked, and I did the worst. I told him I wanted Hey_Jude to come. A friend..coming on a date??? (In my defense, his stupid little friend was going to come that Saturday) He got a little iffy, but being such a horribley nice guy, he said it was cool. But he wanted to go see The Ring 2, which Hey_Jude REFUSED TO SEE. She said the only way she would go was if somebody paid for her, and even then she’d probably end up laughing and making fun of it throughout the entire film. Corwin took great offence to that and got made and said
“Does Hey_Jude (he used her real name..) have to come?”
And then I got REALLY upset, because Hey_Jude is like my sister. You don’t fuck with my sisters (Right Jo and Meg??) so I logged off. I thought
“YES!! He’s mad at me now! He HAS to give up!!!!!!”
I get home the next night, log on (I really should have blocked him by this point. But so far, I’m sure you can tell I’m horrible and not too bright)
And he messages me
“I’m sorry for being a jerk”

Which brings us to right now. I really should get up the nerve and tell him there’s nothing there. But I’m a looser and a coward. And I really could use my beloved fathers right now.
Why am I such a wimp??

In other news –
My new goal is to walk 4,058 miles to Edinburgh on my treadmill thingy. I’ve walked 25 so far. Go me.

Love and hugs to all. Leave notes to prove you read! Because I’m pretty sure I’m writing for my own enjoyment now. Although I enjoyed this entry. It was fun to write. True…but fun. Not quite so “woe is me” as all of my others have been.